I woke up at
10:30, holy hell, I must have been in serious need of restorative sleep. I
might have even slept longer if the girlfriend and the dog didn’t come to poke
me awake, leaving me just enough time to take a shit and shower and get dressed
to go play poker at her friend’s place.
I took the
wheel, and plugged my mp3 player with the aux cord. It’s been malfunctioning
recently, the sound it produces is all tinny and hollow, and you have to twist
it in the outlet to even get a signal. I ragequit, yanked the shit-fucking aux
cord out, snapped it in two and threw it on the floor. The girlfriend also snapped,
and started yelling at me. As I drove out of the underground parking, I just
whispered “Shhhhh... why are you shouting? I’ll pick up the pieces later” but
she just kept howling over that most trivial of things. I rewatched a few
classic Breaking Bad episodes recently, and Mary's and Skylark's script seems
to exclusively consist of “Nag! Nagnagnag! Nag! Nag! NAG! NAG!” No wonder Hank
and Walt found solace and comfort in a world of gun-toting Mexican psychopaths
and strung-out druggos who'd stab you without warning for a fix. A few blocks
later, she apologized, and said she shouldn’t overreact like that. Our
relationship has been mostly if not near-totally harmonious through the years,
because of open communication and admitting when we’re wrong. I also apologized
for chimping out at that stupid piece of audio equipment.
We got to
her friend’s place, ate a meal of Burger King and stir-fried goodies over rice,
and played poker all afternoon. We brought them some of the pomegranates that
the school gave me, and another guest brought mangoes. After the poker games,
they were all bunched up in the solarium, talking about whatever Chinese people
talk about, and I ate a mango over the sink.
“What are
you doing?! Those mangoes are supposed to be a gift for my parents!”, the host
said, pointing at the big ornate gift box. Everybody laughed, and I proposed to
replace the lost mango with one of the pomegranates we brought. Ni vu, ni connu.
They live in
the south part of town, so we thought we might as well swing by Metro and stock
up on some of the imported groceries we need. I bought six cartons of
grapefruit juice, now that I quit beer I need something tasty to quench my
thirst when water doesn’t do it. When it was time to pay, I extended my
undefeated streak at picking the slowest lane, and the cashier was particularly
useless, constantly botching the payment operation of the man in front of me,
who had a cart loaded with Hennessy bottles and nothing else. Maybe he’s the
assistant to the producer of a hip-hop video.
Back home,
we put the groceries in their place. The girlfriend saw the chunk of beef I put
in the fridge yesterday, and started screeching at me, saying I should have put
it in the freezer, or else it will go bad like the steak I forgot in the fridge
for four days last week. “There’s no more room in the freezer! I’ll cook it
tonight” “BUT IT WILL GO BAD!!! RAAAAH!!!” I opened the freezer and showed the
drawers, filled to the brim with the meat her mother sent us. “The. Freezer.
Is. Full. I’ll cook it tonight.” She threw the meat chunk at me, grabbed her
keys, and stormed out.
Nonplussed,
I grabbed my bag and headed to the gym like I was planning to anyway. I
detoured by the car park, and saw she had driven off. She’s that mad, uh? I
sent a message asking where she is, and twenty minutes later, between two sets
on the bench press, she replied by saying we should break up. Fucken hell. I
tried to call her, no reply. “Come back home, we’ll discuss”
I wondered
if I should interrupt my workout but decided to go through with it, even though
I now had a boulder of shit on my mind. I rode back home, and she was curled up
in bed, crying. We had a long talk, it feels a bit weird to write all of it down
on a public platform like this, even though nobody reads it except my dad, but
it’s also quite cathartic. She was telling me how she’s scared I will stop
loving her if she keeps throwing tantrums like that, and how it will be hard to
reconcile the fact that we both want to go live close to our families, who are
on two opposite ends of the world. She was speaking to me in Chinese, as we do
most of the time, and she would be sobbing so hard that the second half of her
sentences would just trail off. It’s true that I’ve been feeling a bit
homesick, which is rare for me, I like China and I like my job and I’m used to
be away but my niece just turned two, and seeing the pictures shared by my
family made me a bit sad she’s growing up not knowing me, I’ve only seen her
once, when she was six months old. Among other little pangs of doubt that
always pop up in the minds of long-term expatriates, wondering if it’s time to
go home.
As I was
sitting there trying to get the girlfriend to come back to Earth, I was
astonished at how I couldn’t truly feel sad. I was mostly looking at the
situation with my pragmatic detachment, weighing the pros and cons of having
her in my life, wondering who would keep the dog (who, bless his little soul,
was just there with us on the bed, jumping around, wagging his tail and being
oblivious of what was happening), what I’d do after she’s gone, and other
practical things. If that is what’s meant to be, so be it. Then, she changed
her tune, begging me not to leave her, saying she’ll move to Quebec with me, we’ll
make it work. I don’t want to make it sound like I don’t love her, I do, I
really do, and I value immensely the love she has for me and how we’ve been
together for almost five years now. I want her to stay.
We took the
dog out for a walk, and kept talking. I said I still love her, but now, for the
first time, I’m foreseeing the possibility that maybe one day I won’t.
Terrible, maybe, but I have to be honest, if she can blow a fuse like that over
a pound of meat, what could happen if we’re subjected to a much more important
source of stress? And if she’s willing to just drive off and give me the silent
treatment like that, it’s a serious breach of trust. Blind love that lasts
forever and never meets obstacles is only in romance novels and the minds of
insane, overly attached people, and I had to get it off my chest if we want to
move forward and look in the rear-view mirror at this bump in our relationship,
like all relationships hit at some point. Hopefully we’ll come back stronger
out of it, like the saying goes.
Back home, I
ate the leftover chicken and put the beef in the slow cooker with onions,
ginger, coconut milk and all sorts of spices to make a curry. I kissed the sleeping
girlfriend’s forehead when I got to bed. Everything will be alright.
I started
reading Michael Bisping’s autobiography. It’s pretty good so far. MMA fighters’
memoirs are literary candy to me.