Chapter 304

I was in bed fairly early, all things considered, I hadn’t abused the dinnertime margs and then stuck to well-paced beers so I wasn’t too messed up when I got up at 8. We had a breakfast of won tons, fried dumplings, tangerines and green tea and then got on our way. When the girlfriend said she had to come to Hefei for the weekend to sit that exam, I thought I’d tag along and stop in Nanjing on the way back, and when mama-in-law heard of that, she proposed we go to the Nanjing Ikea. The Swedish furniture chain is ultra popular in China, but hasn’t opened a branch in Hefei yet.

I drove the car for a bit over two hours, until we reached the big blue building. I parked and we walked to the entrance, where we went through all the useless motions (scan some bloatware code, show the result to the expropriated farmer in uniform, put on a mask that will be removed immediately after entering the building) and got told that the dog can’t come in, to which I said “No problem” and walked in anyway, the animal cradled in my arms. Perhaps that’s why I’m hesitant at the idea of moving out of China, the kind of feeling of being able to treat rules as suggestions and constantly getting away with it (until I can’t).

The Ikea was packed, and instead of aisles, it’s set up as just one long uninterrupted line snaking through all the furniture showrooms. Most of it looked quite stylish, and the prices were more than affordable, after all I imagine most of it is made here. The dog was riding in the cart, and kids pointed at him, excitedly. I didn’t stay long, I went outside to walk the dog a bit, and eventually the girlfriend and her mom came out with a few odds and ends they had bought, and some hot dogs. We parted ways, me going to the subway stop, and them going to the train station to drop off mama-in-law so she can take the bullet train back to Hefei.

I derped and got three tokens for the subway instead of one, and then got on. I regreted it immediately. Being crammed in a fetid wagon with dozens of strangers and being forced to wear an irritating fayssah mursk is a shitty way to travel and I’m glad I don’t have to do it daily like millions of other poor souls. Plus, the Venezuelan lives just far enough from a subway stop that I’d have to ride a rent-a-bike anyway, so when I had to transfer lines, rather than doing that, I just got out and rode all the way. That’s something I should have done to begin with, on this beautiful day.

I made it to my Latino homie’s place, and we opened the beers I’d bought on the way. Then we walked to a park, stretched, put on some music from his Bluetooth speaker and did a bit of capoeira, something I miss quite a bit. We cartwheeled and dodged each other’s loopy kicks to some dissonant Brazilian folk music, attracting a small crowd of onlookers, and then sat around chatting and catching up. Nanjing has had a serious lockdown at the end of the summer, and that made waves. He lost his part-time job, and the small income he was getting from capoeira also dried up. We discussed future plans, I told him about some aspects of Quebec that make me drag my feet and delay my inevitable repatriation, like high rent and inflation and uncertainty, but it almost felt obscene to complain about such trivial things to a Venezuelan, given how much worse off his country is.

We then went for an early dinner, and since we had time, we walked there. We stopped for a quick beer at a new tiny microbrewery, talking to the excited and friendly owner, and then crossed the street to go to a Middle Eastern restaurant. His roommate, a young Kazakh guy, joined us, both eyes in the same socket, groggily moving around, hungover as hell. We had a big feast with shish taouk, hummus, falafel, and some kind of Turkish pizza. And mojitos.

I said goodbye and hopped on a rent-a-bike, riding all the way to the ghetto part of town where my American friend lives (I used to refer to him as “the American from Hefei”, but I need a better set of monikers, since there are several Americans from Hefei... let’s henceforth call him Super Mario). I dropped my stuff in his messy seventh-floor walk-up and then we grabbed some cold cans of Harbin beer for the walk to the venue where a metal show was about to take place, the main reason I decided to have this impromptu Nanjing trip.

“It’s Halloween, should I dress up?”

“Do whatever you want, I don’t have anything”, I replied.

“I have this Super Mario outfit, but I couldn’t wear it at school, the government banned Halloween celebrations. Fuck it, I’ll put it on.”

And it was a great idea. After reaching the place and getting in line, three Super Marios (well, two Marios and one Luigi) arrived, and they hollered at one another. There were a few other Halloween costumes in the (all-Chinese) audience, mostly slutty vampires in fishnet and short black dresses, or maybe they’re metal chicks who always put on black makeup and dress up like that when they attend concerts.

The show started at 19:30 on the dot, and I have to say I like this trend of starting on time rather than wasting the spectators’ time like it used to be so goddamn common. Iron Hörse took the stage, a power trio led by a guy dressed exactly like Lemmy (RIP) and who could imitate his raspy voice to perfection. Their set was half composed of Motörhead covers, and half hard rock tracks very similar to what Motörhead would do. A bit repetitive but good fun nonetheless. A tiny girl tried to start a pit, but rather than starting from the center out, she just ran around the whole room, to the point where I was wondering if she just had pooped her pants and was making a beeline for the toilet.

The next band played with dimmed lights, their backs to the audience, with a long and gloomy intro before their vocalist came in and started shrieking. Black metal, uh? They were not on the poster, and their logo was completely unscrutable, later I’d learn they’re called毁灭救赎. I think I saw them live at a Hefei music festival a few years ago. They were grim as hell and made us bob our heads.

Next up was Dog Släyer, a band I’m seeing for the third time in about a year. The Hangzhou-based quintet is getting better and better every time, led by their energetic frontman, and their 70s NWOBHM hits the spot.

The Venezuelan told me his new roommate is a metalhead, and that I should be on the lookout for a Latina with blue hair and lots of tattoos. Pretty easy to spot. I went to say hi, and we also had a chat with the singers from Iron Hörse and Dog Släyer. They were with a girl wearing a police shirt, and on the bottom, a miniskirt with a bunny tail and high heels.

“Are you a cop?”

“I’m a bao an (security guard)”, she slurred, already drunk and reeling.

“What are you protecting?”

“My pussy”, she said in English, erupting in drunken laughter.

She spoke some English, having gone to university in Texas. But she didn’t graduate, for some reason that she was elusive about. Then out of the blue, she leaned over and whispered: “I hate niggers!”

“Jesus fuck! Don’t say that!”

She went on some incoherent story about a conflict she had with a black guy in Texas. I said she shouldn’t judge one billion people based on the behavior of one. She agreed, and shrugged. No point arguing with racists though, and I excused myself from that highly intellectual conversation.

Ramblin’ Roze was next, some great stoner/psychedelic rock, complete with the 70s look of elephant pants, flowered shirts and shoulder-length hair. They played a set of the perfect length, not too short and not too long, and then we barely had time to grab another beer at the bar before the headliners, the mighty Explosicum, took the stage. Explosicum is one of the bands from the Chinese scene that makes the most waves at home and abroad these days, four long-haired balls of energy playing some of the most ridiculously fast thrash metal on the planet. Only Violator and Terrordome can play at that pace, as far as I know. A furious circle pit started as soon as they hit their first lightning riffs, and it rarely stopped. After the first song I heckled “Too slow!” and a bunch of people got in on the joke, chanting “Play faster!”

A great night, and as it was almost over, an incident happened. Super Mario and I were near the front, when the Dog Släyer frontman got on stage and motioned for people to come closer. I’ve been to a million shows so I know it means he’s about to stagedive, and I was like “Hell no!” so I moved out of the way instead, the crowd was way too thin for that and he’s a rather heavy fella. So he dove on a small group of people, landing on Super Mario’s face and breaking his glasses. I felt bad for him, he’s a normie I dragged to a show where he’s not fully aware of the etiquette and cultural habits, so I bear some responsibility towards him though he’s a grown-ass hairy adult. He was still in good spirits, with a “shit happens” attitude.

We walked back to his pad, took showers then promptly crashed. Great times.