Chapter 180

Distance covered: 360 km (total 1701 km)

I woke up at 7, did the tai chi routine, and got on the road by 8 as I planned. My friend and her cute niece saw me off and helped me carry my luggage, I waved them goodbye as I drove off. The road was mostly empty on this Tuesday morning, and I made it to Jinan just after noon. Jinan was the city I called home from 2013 to 2015, so I had a pang of nostalgia and excitement as I approached and saw its skyline, led by the famous Penis Building, the most phallic skyscraper in the world.

I drove to a college campus, parked, and met one of my friends, a white guy with an American accent but who grew up in the middle of the Amazonian forest in Brazil. He was walking his dog, an inoffensive-looking sausage thing, but warned me she is a total bitch and can get very territorial. Sure enough, as soon as we got into the tiny apartment he dwells in with his wife and infant daughter, the two dogs started fighting. We’ll have to keep an eye on them.

We drank beer and caught up. One of the things I keep hearing is how “Jinan has changed”, and judging by the resigned facial expression of those who say that, it’s not for the positive. Some of the cool student bars from yesteryear are long gone, the old town is being turned into a gentrified bland piece of shit and replaced by some fake pseudo old towns, and the most alarming part, the Muslim district has gotten bulldozed to build a shitty glitzy business district around the Peen’ Building. Guys who’ve been there for a long time also talk of the attitude of the residents towards the foreign populace souring and of racist incidents, especially in the aftermath of the pandemic. I had a lot of fun during the years I was here, but I also know that it’s impossible to completely recreate the past.

The Belarusian came in from his nogi BJJ practice, and of course, being the eccentric wacko that he is, he was wearing an outrageously funny rashguard. He had a British guy with him, wearing a jersey with the Bangalore Tigers on it.

“Is that a cricket team?”, I asked.

“No, it’s kabaddi. Look it up on YouTube”

I’d never even vaguely heard of it, but it’s a super weird Indian sport in which one guy goes against five, his goal being to touch one (like in a game of tag) and retreat to his zone, and the five guys try to tackle him. Apparently there’s even a world cup for it. We learn new things every day.

We watched the new Rick And Morty and ate pizza. That particular pizzeria was solid as fuck, and wasn’t around back in the day. Just to show you not all changes are for the worse. Then I took a nap in the neighboring empty apartment, there wasn’t a bed but I stuck a bean bag next to a small couch and snoozed for an hour. Then I got the Amazonian’s e-bike and rode to the eastern ring road, where the local BJJ gym is located. The Belarusian was there with his yellow gi (of course he’s not going to wear a black or white one like a normal person) alongside eight or so Chinese students and a Brazilian black belt, the first black belt I’ve met in China. We warmed up, did some drills from the back control position, and sparred some rounds. I had a good ol’ spazzy war with the Belarusian, then went five minutes with a grey-haired blue belt, and got dominated like a child by a young muscular purple belt. I was exhausted at the end. I’m losing my grappling stamina, and I guess a big cheesy pizza isn’t the best pre-workout meal.

Back home, I took a quick shower, packed a food bag, and put the Amazonian’s camping gear in my trunk. We drove to a trail head a bit south of the city, where the Belarusian and his two dogs were waiting. We lugged all of our shit up the mountain, which included a 10-liter bottle of water, a 5-liter keg of beer, a whole capoeira bateria of musical instruments and a small barbecue. Not the easiest task, even though it was a bit cooler than on previous nights I was sweating like a pig for the 40 minutes or so we hiked up. I was wondering if it was a bit overkill to bring my camping chair up there but as soon as I unfolded it and had a confy seat all my doubts evaporated. After setting up the tents, we cracked open the keg and drank good Taishan beer from plastic cups, it felt wonderful. Dinner was cherry tomatoes, canned sardines, crackers, sauerkraut and vegan sausages on the ghetto barbecue.

Two more friends joined us, a shy bespectacled Chinese girl and a loud-mouthed dude from Cape Verde I knew back in the day. He came in late so he had to put his tent a little bit away from our little camp, he joked about segregation, and how all them white people force him to sleep in a secluded area. This was the first of about 3725 racist jokes thrown around, most of them by him.

Just up the path there was a clearing with a seriously sick view over the city, all lit up. We couldn’t camp there though because there were cameras and if we light a barbecue there, we’ll get quickly shurgwaydinged out of there, well, as quickly as it would take for the joyless chengguan cunts to hike up and tell us to fuck off. I imagine they would be extra angry, too. We stayed up till 3, swapping crude jokes, playing music, and enjoying the woods.