Chapter 177

Up at 6:30 for a walk with the dog behind the tai chi school. It was mostly a dirt field full of construction materials, as the Chen Bing Tai Chi Academy is still in the process of being built. So it was a bit anticlimactic overall, instead of learning the ancient Chinese martial art in one of the numerous beautiful heritage buildings of the nearby village, we were in an unfinished concrete cube.

Breakfast was eaten communally at 7:30. I changed into capoeira pants and a white t-shirt to look at least a little bit tai chi-like, and waited for my two friends, the Venezuelan having arrived during the night. I initially planned on leaving the dog in the room but his abandonment issues kicked in hard and he solidly disagreed, whining and barking as soon as I’d close the door. The building in which we were housed had a bunch of “Please respect the silence” signs so I couldn’t just let him be noisy like that, after a few unsuccessful tries punishing him I conceded defeat and brought him along. It was a bit weird having him around while I munched on my breakfast and did the tai chi warm-up with the other students, but he was pretty quiet if I was within sight.

After the pretty painful stretching, directed by a female master (first surprise there, I thought tai chi, like a lot of pre-commie Chinese things, was super patriarchal) barking orders like a drill sergeant, I went with a young teacher to a room downstairs where he taught me basic posture. I warmed up to it eventually, but I have to be honest and say I really hated it at first. He was extremely nitpicky and kept correcting the position of my hands or other body parts, and I was wondering what the hell was the point of it all. Only a bit later I realized it’s fairly important to have a solid base with no bad habits, and that yeah, every skill I’ve learned in the past (from martial arts to new languages to musical instruments to military drill) comes with repetitive practice and the first few hours are especially boring. I have a base in tai chi, somewhat, but most of it was self-taught and now I was getting feedback so I should welcome it instead of dread it.

Eventually we started learning a routine, the thirteen moves of Chen Tai Chi. There are tons of different styles, no idea what the differences are, I assume they all think they’re better than the others. Some of the moves were a bit explosive, the Chilean explained it is about “elastic energy”, yin and yang and all this esoteric stuff. While the Venezuelan, myself and a middle aged Chinese lady practiced the basic routine, the Chilean was doing more advanced stuff that looked pretty badass, including moves with a long spear.

I went to fill my water bottle in another room and saw old men in loose clothing practicing self-defense moves. It looked so grossly unrealistic, no way 5% of it would work in a “non-compliant opponent” scenario. All the moves from the sequence I was learning (or any other really) are inspired by real strikes or holds but I’m afraid the cat is out of the bag now and ever since the first UFC events the world knows what works and what doesn’t. I like tai chi, I respect tai chi as a form of low impact conditioning, a relaxing spiritual practice and a window into Chinese culture, but it’s clear to me it has very little real-life combat application. People who still cling on to the idea are delusional, and that led to the infamous Xu Xiaodong story, the MMA fighter who responded to claims by tai chi masters that they were invincible, beat the shit out of them in at-times very sad to watch contests, and is now a massive pariah for allegedly bringing shame to the country.

Anyway. Lunch was in the same mess hall, and one master politely asked that I take the dog out. They’d been accommodating so far so I obeyed, eating my bowl of R n’ S on a chair outside. Then there was a long mid-day break, I went to take a nap in the AC and resumed the training with another three-hour session. The three of us went to the village and ordered a barbecue feast, that we ate on a table outside as the hellish heat of the day subsided a bit. The lady kept piling up skewers and side dishes and we washed it down with beer. The Chilean left after an hour, he had a one-on-one session with Master Chen, the direct descendent of the lineage’s founder, and he was all excited.

I stayed a bit with my other pal, nibbling on barbecued meat and vegetables, discussing the state of his native Venezuela. All his family left and relocated elsewhere on the American continent, his mom was about to be a naturalized US citizen. All Venezuelans are getting the fuck out of that failed state, those with a bit of money ask for citizenship in other countries, and those without (most of them) are walking to Ecuador or Peru, Colombia letting them pass through but with a clear “fuck off we’re full policy”. What a sad situation. I went to Venezuela in 2016 and it was already a complete mess, but I enjoyed my trip and especially enjoyed how cheap it was with my black market acquired bolivares.

We went back to the academy, I had a quick videochat with the girlfriend and then went to buy more beers, as the Chilean said he’d want to drink after his class. When I got back he was there, all red and shining with sweat but with a huge smile on his face, as a long-time tai chi practitioner he was all star-struck from meeting and training with the big boss.