Chapter 102

I had a dream, I was walking on a deserted street in Montreal with my laptop bag. I knew it was Montreal, because I had just crossed the Jacques-Cartier bridge, for whatever reason, and now I was being followed by a guy on a bicycle. I got a bit uneasy and looked over my shoulder, he seemed sketchy, and he himself was looking around to see whether there were other people around, like he was looking for an opportunity to jump me. I tried to cross the street but there were thick bushes blocking my way and then another sketchy guy walked from a bus stop as if he was trying to prevent me from getting away. Then the dream ended and I woke up. I sometimes have dreams like that, in which I’m about to get in a dangerous confrontation, and when I gain consciousness I wonder what did my subconscious have planned for when the shit went down. I don’t get into fights often if ever and don’t live in a ghetto-ass environment, though I’ve traveled a bit and did find myself in dangerous third-world shitholes more than a few times, and sometimes ask myself how I would handle myself if I got jumped or mugged.

I made tea, checked my e-mail, and got ready for yoga. As soon as I unrolled the mat, the dog got on it and emptied his bladder while looking at me with his beady eyes. What the fuck! I wiped it with tissues then rubbed his ugly triangle face in the stain, yelling NO! NO! NO! and threw him in the locked bathroom. I flipped the mat, it still smelled like urine, but I guess our whole apartment smells like urine now, we just got used to it. The rare times I have guests over (I’m a misanthrope) I ask them if it reeks of dog, some friends have told me there’s a faint but noticeable smell, like when I went to dog-owning friends’ homes in the past. I lit up an incense stick and tried to focus on my yoga.

I got to work and had four classes in a row. They didn’t go super well and I was already cranky. At times I do review and it feels like I have to reteach everything for the students who are too lazy or, let’s be real, not at an intellectual level high enough to do advanced science. Yes, as a teacher I have to do everything I can to get the pupils to succeed, but let’s not sugarcoat it by denying that some students don’t have what it takes, or in the case of those Chinese cram schools, are taken in despite the fact that they know about 50 words of English. I’m not dunking on their value as a human being, in fact I do root for them and feel bad that they’re shoed in such a rigid hardcore curriculum to their detriment while they would do better and even thrive elsewhere.

In the afternoon I had time to prepare my lessons and review periods, and I listened to three entries from the Top 500. There was a boring Rolling Stones album, an instrumental hip-hop piece by DJ Shadow that was OK, and then it was Vampire Weekend, some effeminate modern indie rock I had never heard of and will never listen to again.

I got home, dropped my stuff, and went to the driving school. I severely dislike the whole mascarade and the cunty little instructor, but dislike even more the prospect of failing that test again. So I went there, got driven to the middle of nowhere, which took almost an hour due to late afternoon traffic and making detours to pick up other trainees. Talk about efficiency. It wasn’t pure downtime though, I practiced theoretical exam questions on an app I downloaded on my phone. It’s very difficult. Some questions are dead easy, but many require you to study or rote memorize the answers. Again, all about show, no substance. And I have to do it in Chinese.

I did two rounds of the circuit. As I said before and will say it again, the test is absolutely retarded and unrelated to actual driving, I have to put the car in third gear, not press the gas pedal, and then let it chug forward at 20 km/h. It’s a bit of a crapshoot, if you’re unlucky and the light turns yellow and then red as you’re close to the intersection, it might be too late to stop yet you might be going too slow to clear the intersection in time.

I bolted out of there with a taxi rather than waiting for the other trainees to do their rounds. I had my gym bag with me and went to roll jiu-jitsu, I managed to get advantageous potitions on the Italian blue belt as he tried some esoteric new transitions he hasn’t mastered yet, or as he’d just give me chances. I got close to finishing him with an armbar I got in a scramble, well, as close as my n00b ass can get on someone who knows what he’s doing. He escaped, reversed the position, and I muttered “Oh no! Now he’s angry!” I still suck, and get smashed by the blue belts on a constant basis, but I’m improving and more importantly, I’m exercising and having a lot of fun.

I got home, opened a can of hefeweizen, threw my stuff in the laundry and ate a dinner of sardines, crackers and cream cheese while watching random YouTube stuff. I got to bed and did more of those theoretical exams, I can almost pass, key word almost.