Chapter 88

Another day, another epic derp. On the 88th day of the year no less, what is supposed to be an auspicious number in Chinese culture (and among nazis, in a bizarre and unrelated way). I rode early to the driving exam center, hoping to be among the first in line, but it was useless, we all got brought to the circuit in a big bunch and waited around for ages. It was an exercise in inefficiency, rather than having a schedule with blocks of time we all had to show up before 8, and stand around doing nothing. There’s no place to sit except the curb, there’s no shelter, I’m wondering, what happens if it rains? Not that they give a shit, and not that it applied today, as the weather was sublime, sunny with a tiny refreshing breeze. I sat on the curb and read my Kindle.

Then it was my turn and... I failed. The computer is very anal on many things I was warned, and one of them is how long you can hold the clutch while the car is in motion. When the light turned red, I put it in second gear to decelerate, and then slowly, gradually stopped to a halt on neutral. I should have just hit the brakes and cause myself mild whiplash.

So... I can’t say I’m back at square one, I’m at square three I guess, but forced to idle there for two more weeks or so before I can do it again. I was flooded with negative emotions: the feeling of being an utter retard, anger at how much time has been and still is to be wasted, annoyance at the IQ-85 yokels around me commenting on how the laowai just failed, powerlessness in the face of that incredibly stupid but nitpicky exam, shame, sadness at the idea of still having to postpone those cool weekend road trips, and... mostly just dullness. I stared at the horizon with my mouth slightly gaping, and couldn’t really feel pissed off, or feel anything. I won’t let any of that shit ruin my good moods of the recent days and weeks. Fall down seven times, get up eight.

When all was said and done, it was noon. I have a packed schedule on Monday mornings but my colleagues and the principal covered me without fuss, compared to some other schools I worked at in the past in which the dickish top-down cuntfucian administration would never ever grant its indentured slaves any leave without a whole fucking obstacle course of bureaucratic hurdles. One of the many blessings in my life and a silver lining to the whole thing, though it makes me feel bad I’ll likely have to do it again and I hate abusing people’s goodwill.

So I rode home, and took the dog out, something I didn’t have to do in the morning. I got a message from the Pie Minister, a lady married to a British man who has a pretty successful business making savoury pies and other greasy goodies and delivering them all over the area. My order was ready, and she came to the gate to hand it in. I bought a steak and Guinness pie, a pork pie, a chicken pie, and two Scotch eggs, that I put in the freezer when I got home, except one of the Scotch eggs that I heated in the oven and ate right away with a side of leftover macaroni. It consists of a hard-boiled egg encased in ground meat, breaded and deep fried, a pretty tasty protein bomb, and a perfect canvas for hot sauce. I tried some of the sauce we ordered and got yesterday, it was very potent, and burned my lips well.

I got to the office, my tail between my legs. Every few minutes my mind would wander off and inevitably think about that botched driving exam and how inadequate I am as an adult human, then I’d shake it off, laugh about it, put it in perspective and see it as a rather minor setback in the grand scheme of things, before the negative thoughts would just come back not much later. I went trhough that shit with the other driving exam, the first days are full of negativity, but then I inevitably move on. Until then, all I can do is try to distract myself.

I still have an enormous pile of exams to grade, so I settled down and did just that. The repetitive nature of the task allowed me to accompany it with the last hour of the behemoth six-hour podcast by Dan Carlin’s  Hardcore History about the Celtic Holocaust, culminating with the battle of Alesia and the genius double siege tactics employed by Ceez. Then I put on the first episode of Fall Of Civilizations, talking about Roman Britain. Very interesting series, it’s meant to be enjoyed as a podcast but the YouTube video had stock footage that made it even more immersive.

I had one period with Attitude Class. They were asking about the exam, as they always do, I told them we’ll go over it in class but later, and until then I gave them another past paper to complete while I sat there grading and listening to Windir’s folk/black metal in my big headphones.

I got home and took a quick nap with the dog before heading to the kickboxing gym. I knew that just like with the previous driving derpish blunder, some hard physical activity would take my mind off that negative pollution, and it did. All my problems from outside the mat didn’t cross my mind even once as I drilled mount escapes and sweeps with my Italian blue belt friend, and the release of endorphins and genuinely fun aspect of Brazilian jiu-jitsu put me in a great mood. Two more training partners came in a bit later, and we had a few nice rolls. I’d have stayed for longer but had a Skype call to attend at 9. The guys (and the girl) were going for barbecue after training, which made it even harder, but I made a committment.

When I arrived home, the dog was all excited and grabbed his leash from the hook. OK, you little pooch, I have ten minutes. I took him for a little round, drinking a can of German black beer, before taking a quick shower and hopping on Skype. A project manager who works with an old friend of mine talked to me about their situation and need for a Chinese translator, that could be a pretty interesting sideline. I did translation for a while but stopped for a few reasons, mainly because it was taking too much of my time.

I ate a big plate of macaroni and cured chicken while watching a video by Punk Rock MBA about crunkcore. That gotta be the music subgenre I have the least interest for, but I enjoy his video breakdowns about the rise and fall and legacy of obscure alternative music styles. Then the internet died and I went to bed.